So, what's up with Iran?

Well, I am located in a part of the world where I have no right to even be thinking about this. I should just be surfing and chasing wimmen. But despite my efforts at avoiding anything remotely connected to the real world, it has come to my attention that there is lot of Iran-related crap buzzing around. It seems that all of a sudden the Iranians have gone berserk.

Think about it: there are crazy Iran-haters in charge of the US and the usual nutcases leading Israel. In this situation one would think Iran would exercise basic common sense, and just lie low for a while. I mean...if I was the Iranian president, this is how I picture my mental processes: "O.K. so I'm a mullah-type leading a government of mullahs. By definition, I'm already a bit nuts. Out there is a crazy berserk superpower which has serious problems with me. I have a shitty army compared to them or the Israelis who will always be happy to bomb my ass into the middle of next week. I also have a funny little nuclear program which hasn't given me a fire-cracker after years of fuckin' around. Hmmm...should I start denying the holocaust? Ooops...where did that thought come from?? Hey, let's get into a nuclear confrontation with the EU who are my last hope as the only people who don't always toe the American line. Fuck. Did I really think that? Sheeeaaatt...! I'm really out of control today...where's my valium?? O.K. O.K. gotta chill out. Breathe deeply...ahhh. Maybe I'm not getting enough lately. But, hey, I'm the president...I should be able to get chicks, shouldn't I? (Calling harem...ring ring..."tell Tabitha to get her lovely ass here"). Ahhh...Tabitha...sweetheart, I've been all fuck'd up lately. Just need to chill out and relax. We won't do missionary today, I haven't been a good mullah anyway. Tabitha: "of course baby. In fact I'll have Salma come over afterwards." Me: heh he. (1 hr interlude, ta da, ta da, ta da...). Aaight!! That's much better. What the fuck was I thinkin'? I have a great life, now let's go sell some gas. Someone get the Indians on the phone...".

And that's how it should be. So, if someone can explain why everything is not well in mullah-land, do tell. Let's be serious here.

On buying a laptop

O.K. this was supposed to be a blog of reviews, nightlife, all that in Honolulu. Well, it still is. But the great part about having a blog is that you are lord of your own little universe. I hereby choose to break the rules and so they are broken...ha!

Well, so far the only laptop I have owned is a very old Dell Inspiron 5000e provided by my UT advisor. The damn thing is practically an antique with a 5GB hard disk, PIII 800MHz processor, 192MB Ram and no WiFi. Getting it to do anything useful is like taking a brontosaurus on a hike. To make matters worse, it is an 8lb behemoth in the usual Dell tradition.

Nowadays Dell has some lighter and better looking laptops, but they still exude the stodgy corporate vibe which rules them out in my wishlist. Therefore, in my pursuit of sexiness I first decided on a Sony Vaio S580 with a 13.3 in widescreen display and ultra-sleek looks. Everything looked fine when it arrived except for a rattling battery and a WiFi switch that appeared to be stapled on. The x-brite screen just blew me away with it's bright colors...seriously no one makes screens like Sony. However, the joy was shortlived and in two days WinXP displayed a blue screen that said something terrible had happened to the registry and the laptop immediately shut itself down. After this it never booted up again, displaying the error "Hard drive not found". Hard drive not found?! I mean, what the fuck?? It's like you have no idea there's a brick stuffed up your ass! Needless to say I sent it back to Sony for a refund (btw guess who had to pay shipping?). Their customer support informed me the refund would take 8 weeks, but I was annoying enough and wouldn't go away, so it only took 3 weeks.

At this point I decided to switch 180 degrees and go for ultimate no-nonsense reliability i.e. the IBM Thinkpad (model # Z60t, widescreen). Well, I ordered and waited. And waited. After four weeks it still hadn't shipped. The sales reps at IBM/Lenovo said "we are having some problems maintaining inventory". But didn't the website say it was in stock? Apparently, in IBM corporate-speak that is the height of naivette. In-stock only means that there existed a point in time before the order when the item happened to be in-stock. Ahhhh...

I did some further snooping around on thinkpad forums and found some poor souls writing horror stories of a two month+ wait time. Being certain that another week on the Dell will drive me nuts, I cancelled the IBM and bought a Fujitsu S2110 for only $1049. It's already here in 3 days and so far the customer support has been fabulous. I was near tears when my sales rep actually returned my call in her sexy-next-door-girl voice. A 512MB USB flash drive came free too...

So far the laptop seems to be running fine. I have some issues with the build quality as there is lot of flex on the keyboard and some flex on the screen too. On the plus side, it weighs only 4lb with a battery life of 4 hrs - hence full marks on the portability side. It also runs on an AMD Turion MT-30 which pleases me in a perverse way. I'm not that much of the counter-culture type, but yeah, fuck that intel inside shit...heh...

Down to Earth Market

6/10. This is near the corner of University and King, opposite Star Market. It doubles as an organic foods market plus deli. The deli part has sandwiches, vegetarian entrees, salad bar, cookies and some desserts on its menu.

At first sight the place reminded me of wheatsville co-op in Austin which basically caters to the same crowd. However, strangely, I have structural issues with this place. The layout seems to lack openness starting with the narrow and badly-lit entrance. That appears to go against the overall organic worldview or at least how I have understood it. Perhaps there is no such thing. The upstairs seating area is kind of nice though with good lighting, wooden tables and a cozy atmosphere. On to the food.

On my first visit I consumed teriyaki tofu, eggplant parmigiana, some string beans thing and a potato casserole from the entrees section and a brazilian nut cookie as dessert. You have to pay for the entrees by weight and the charges are steep. My total for this was about $10 even though I ate much less than a full meal. All the entrees were great, with the small gripe that the tofu was a bit harder than normal. The brazil cookie blew away the part of my mind that deals with cookie appreciation. The other people I went with also seemed pleased with their meals. They were so joyful that one of them initiated a football game on the pavement outside, to which the others responded heartily. (Note: this friend claims to double as a cia agent and then re-doubles as a double agent. I guess that makes her a quadruple agent of sorts).

My second visit took place yesterday and I was happy to note that the entrees section had all sorts of different dishes such as thai green curry and what-not. This shows that they rotate their menu which goes to their credit. Also, something worth mentioning is that there was an irate lady hovering around, demanding her money back because the sweet-and-sour tofu was only sour and not sweet. She was bounced around between underlings and managers until she gave up and left in a huff. I was myself very satisfied with my garden burger which had a veggie patty, sprouts, cheese, tomato, lettuce and some kind of sauce which was really good. I could not resist having another brazil cookie. Cost: $8.

The market section of this place is the usual sort of organic foods place. It looked pricey even by Honolulu standards and so I didn't do any shopping. This is the norm though in the US, one has to pay to be naturally healthy. But I have real problems with their deli prices because one has to consume greater quantities of veggie food to fill up and deli type stuff is generally cheap. After all it is self-service, they are not incurring any costs there. I will have to think twice before eating there. Verdict: 6/10 - go there at least once even if it bites the wallet.

"Darkness at Noon" by Arthur Koestler

8/10. This is Koestler's most famous novel. It explores with clinical detail the step-by-step deconstruction of ideology inside the mind of a KGB man condemned by the very system he upholds.

The author is someone who knows his communism. Born Hungarian, he became a card-carrying (German) communist in the 1930s until his ardor began to wane after Stalin began the notorious "great purge" in 1938. This period was the moment of truth for many leftists and of great upheaval in the Soviet Union. Stalin's paranoia so gripped him that he executed or sent to the gulag a full quarter of his own security apparatus consisting of the KGB, communist party members and army officers. The era also included the high-profile Moscow trials which ended with the execution of the remaining old guard of the communist party from Lenin's days. It has been said that these purges so weakened the Soviet state that it became powerless against the German invasion that came almost immediately after.

Anyhow, Koestler knows a thing or two about worshipping a false ideology, and several of his novels are based on that theme. Possibly the effects on him were permanent as he had an unstable life and is rumored to have been involved in some pretty dark deeds. He died sometime in the 80s in a suicide pact with his last wife.

The story in "Darkness..." is strange in a sense because few individuals would respond to their coming end with logical analysis right upto the last moment. In that sense this work belongs to the "1984" genre depicting the reductio ad absurdum of totalitarian ideologies. The main character is Rubashov, a commissar formerly in charge of rounding up political prisoners, extracting confessions and sentencing them. Come Stalin's purges Rubashov is also arrested for treachery against the state. Rubashov expected this and had dreamt about the moment when the chekisti would come knocking. He was the last of Lenin's people and had already lost faith in the Soviet system. However, while in prison he looks for a logical reason why he should be punished...why everyone gets punished. Under interrogation he comes to understand that the system cannot bring itself to execute him without first extracting a signed confession, however fraudulent it might be. Not only that, the system will not give up until it convinces him through coercion that he is guilty as charged. During his last moments Rubashov wonders at the hand that raises the gun to shoot him, "in whose name is this hand raised?". There is no answer. The ideology itself contains the seeds of destruction of everyone that is part of it.

This is a powerful novel...very difficult to put down. It should be required reading for anyone who feels that he is in possession of some book or ideology containing all the answers. There are many such utopian "truths" floating around such as capitalism, communism, socialism and various brands of religion. Well...maybe this novel is too complex for such personalities. After all if one is a full-grown adult and still cannot recognize the BS that is sold under one name or another then there is little hope anyway.

Magoo's Pizza Bar

Unrateable. Located near the corner of University ave and King street.

Jesus...what a place. How does one even begin to describe something like Magoo's? I'm hardly someone shocked easily, having earned my spurs on the bars in Texas...but Magoo's is definitely not for the squeamish. Metaphorically speaking, Magoo's is like a girl with a great vagina but a terrible figure. It won't turn you on but you can't ignore it either. And if you get very drunk you can have a really good time.

They have about 100+ varieties of beer and a lot of them on tap. They sell pints of decent stuff like Killian's red for less than $1 at times and whole pitchers can be as low as $3-4. So, boy, can you drink here...! Even cocktails like long island are only $2. I have no idea how they manage to keep prices so low...but generally they have only one inebriated bartender on duty so perhaps thats how it works. I must mention that there have been times when I (and others) have felt that the beer was diluted. A friend even ordered Guinness and said it was like water. Now Guinness cannot be like water even for the most hardened of men, and this guy is far from being hardened. So...I have no idea what is going on in those taps.

There is no decor. Chairs and tables suck. The place has an "outdoors" and also an indoors which is outdoors. There is no method to the music madness, it blares where it will and could be any genre any time with wild swings. You are solely at the mercy of the jukebox. There are no planned TV acoustics with movies, football, basketball and what-have-you forming a combined sporting noise to which patrons respond reflexively once drunk. You can barely carry on a conversation there until you are very drunk and begin to go apeshit. A good point is that since UH is right there, the place is usually crowded in the evenings including several good-looking women. A memorably bizzare sight I have witnessed at Magoo's was a chartered school-busload of about thirty people who suddenly showed up from nowhere with the sole intent of visiting this bar. Once arrived they immediately began a bout of energetic partying. The fun part is they brought several six-packs of their own crappy beer to perhaps the cheapest beer pub in the US. They and the bus disappeared in 20 minutes. They had seen Honolulu.

Pizza: it's O.K. but inconsistent in quality. I was once served a ham and cheese pizza which looked just a hair's breadth from the pig and the cow i.e. very fresh. Fries are average. There is also an oddly placed asian sushi-style shop inside Magoo's with bewildered looking cooks. They serve good Ahi fish poke, but it won't fill you up.

So, Magoo's is not a place where you bring your date for the first time. Not for the second or third time either. What you should do is show up with those loud, red-necked and red-butted chicks you just met a few hours ago, get very drunk and then go back for wild group sex. I have spoken.

Memoirs of a Geisha

6/10. I saw this movie at Ward Center 16 theaters. This new complex is very modern with widescreen visuals and great digital sound - overall a much better experience than Kahala Mall where I saw the last Harry Potter flick.

This movie has not received great ratings from the usual critics, with an abysmal 31% at rottentomatoes. The story is based on Arthur Golden's novel which is a narrative in the words of a young Japanese girl (Chiyo) sold into geisha-hood by her father to make ends meet. After a difficult upbringing in this sophisticated version of the flesh-trade, she ends up as a successful geisha by the name of Nitta Sayuri.

Some critics have problems with this movie for the following reasons: (a) mostly chinese actors play japanese parts and (b) the detail of the novel is missing in the movie. Now, I have my own issues with the movie but they are different. A good set of actors can bring a story from an unfamiliar culture to life if they are good enough. Also, pardon my cultural insensitivity, but it isn't that big a leap from China to Japan! Secondly why should the movie be a faithful reproduction of the novel? Cinema is its own medium and must interpret the novel in its own eyes - rather like how different artists would paint the same model in different ways. So the real issue should be how well the actors fitted into their roles. And here, the movie is lacking.

The action begins promisingly enough with a great performance by the child actress Suzuka Ohgo as Chiyo. The sale of Chiyo and her sister as children with their subsequent separation is very effectively portrayed. The director manages to achieve the dark atmosphere of a hidden but heinous crime in a very Macbeth-ian manner. On arrival at the geisha-house, Chiyo is soon confronted by an older rival - an established geisha by the name of Hatsumomo played by Gong Li. Expectedly Gong Li's performance is the most creditable of the movie. After all she is widely acknowledged as the reigning queen of quality Chinese cinema with award winning performances in tragic dramas such as "Farewell My Concubine", "The Story of Qiu Ju" etc. She brings intensity to Hatsumomo's flawed character that is riven with anger and jealousy but desperately seeks passion. These are geishas after all...given their past you can hardly expect them to be well-adjusted. In some sense you already know Hatsumomo is going to have a tragic downfall because that has been the fate of every Gong Li character so far!

The problems begin when Chiyo grows up and turns into Zhang Ziyi, another Chinese actress of "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" fame and more recently cast in "Hero". Now I have always been of the view that Ziyi looks much better than she can act. Well, the chips really fall out of place in this movie. She is wholly passionless and seems to struggle to get any words out of her mouth. Supposedly she nurses a secret love for a wealthy client by the name of "The Chairman" but she might as well be sleep-walking through the movie. The Chairman played by Ken Watanabe is another disaster. They are just made for each other. Koji Yakusho as Nobu, a gentlemanly admirer of Ziyi, is somewhat better but no more than a cartoon of a Sumo-loving tough-but-good-guy type - some kind of frat-boy with a heart.

The story contains another geisha by the name of Mameha (Michelle Yeoh) who takes Chiyo under her wing and is supposed to be Hatsumomo's opposite - kinder but even more beautiful. Unfortunately Yeoh just looks old and tired - sort of like a retired geisha. Now why couldn't they have found someone with more energy for this role?

Mameha happens to be the steady mistress of a big shot called "The Baron" (Tagawa) who is the only man that delivers a good performance in this movie. Its not a large role but he does it well. Incidentally the only moment in which Ziyi becomes human and shows real passion is when the Baron forcibly disrobes her in a fit of lust! I don't want to guess what really turns Ziyi on, but it sure isn't cuddly love! The Chairman should have tried spanking her.

The best thing about this movie is the effective recreation of a secretive part of old Japan which presumably does not exist anymore. The methods of procurement and training of geishas as kids feel rather authentic. Whether they are really authentic or not I cannot say, but the director does manage to convey that feel. The movie also has one or two philosophical moments which might make you reflect a bit. Verdict: worth seeing once if you are not too familiar with Japanese culture.