Big Shoku

As part of my ongoing series of in-depth articles on international affairs (see "So, what's up with Iran?" below) , it's time to tackle the latest North Korean missile crisis.

It seems the koreans are getting ready to test a long range missile which can potentially hit the US. Actually it's not this particular missile which is so bad, because it has only two boosters versus the three needed to get from NK to the US. But if they can have two, why not three, so goes the logic. Of course this is very scary for Americans because they have only a few hundred ICBMs as well as only a few scores of nuclear submarines carrying some piddly megaton class hydrogen bombs that can only destroy this planet a few times over. Hopelessly unmanned and outgunned in this fashion, the US is desperately trying to get the world to pressure north korea and curb their aggressive behavior. I am also angry, why is North Korea being such a big bully?

I was able to find time to research this North Korean missile and discover interesting facts about it. This is of course surprising given that I am currently in the midst of some difficult career decisions, but some things are too important to ignore. A man's gotta rise above himself.

The NK missile goes by the name of "Taepodong" which means "Big Cannon" in Korean. However, strangely enough Taepodong is what the Americans call it, not the North Koreans. Somehow that fact hasn't been made clear by the media. In NK they call it Kwangmyongsong meaning "bright star" which is quite a pleasant name for a missile. NK has another rocket called the "Nodong" which might or might not also be an American name. I suppose it means "No Canon" or "Small Canon". This one was exported to Pakistan in exchange for a nuclear bomb design and is now proudly referred to as "our indigenous scientific achievement" by the Pakistani Government. Coming back to Taepodong, an earlier version was tested by NK a few years ago by firing it right over Japan. This was so shocking for ordinary Japanese that the incident has ever since been referred to as "Taepodong Shoku". "Shoku" of course means "shock" in Japanese.

Hurt and unhappy over this whole mess, one of Bush's men said, "For our part, we will not be derailed by their temper tantrums, nor have any of our own." This is clearly an onset of maturity as the US has decided it will not have any more tantrums like it used to. I can almost see the UN member countries shedding tears and looking fondly at Bush. Ahh...those growing up pains! It's good to leave them behind.

Perhaps this new Taepodong will finally persuade the Japanese to make nuclear bombs of their own. After that they will be forced by their constitution to impose sanctions on themselves, which means Japanese goods will be forbidden from being sold in Japan itself. Imagine the consequences - the whole world will be swamped with dirt-cheap Japanese exports from cameras to talking bathrooms, sending the global economy into orbit.

The NK leader Kim Jong Il, also known as the "peerlessly great man", seems to have anticipated this because he says the taepodong project is only aimed at peaceful development of space technology in order to send satellites into orbit. The great leader is probably right because after all his country is so vast - nearly two hundred miles wide at some places - that satellites are the only way they can map things out and know where they really are.

Too cool to be true?

Unknown to me, in the far, misty corners of the internet there exists a website which rates the top 50 coolest desis in the world today. This fact came to my attention this evening and not being ranked among them made me feel sad, angered and finally relieved. I am wondering whether or not I should post the link on this page because it is clearly some kind of propaganda to make us all want to be like Kal Penn. O.K., for the sake of completeness, click here.

Definitions...! To the uninitiated, "desi" is the Indian word for Indian. It can also mean "made in India" or just "local dude" in which case Americans are desis too, as long as they are referring to each other. Of course, this makes them American desis which are none other than Indian Americans who are not sure if they are really desis. There is a moral in there somewhere that escapes me. Oh, one more thing - the word is not pronounced "daisy", more like "they-see".